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Yo' Momma's So
Fat...
When she fell off the curb I tried
not to laugh, but the ground was cracking up!
Submitted by: Steveo
When your daddy slaps her ass, it slaps him back.
Submitted by: Regreath
When she put on
a yellow dress and jumped people started to yell "Taxi"
Submitted by: Paulette
She was
mistaken for God's bowling ball.
When her beeper
goes off, people think she's backing up.
She had to go
to Sea World to get baptized.
She was born
with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Her favorite
dress is a tent.
She left home
with high heels, she came back with flip-flops.
She has to iron
her pants on the driveway.
She needs a
building permit for her girdle.
She needs a
hula hoop for a belly button ring.
She puts on her
belt with a boomerang.
She has to put
on lipstick with a paint-roller.
She needed her
ears pierced with a harpoon.
She sat on a
rainbow and Skittles popped out.
She sat on a
quarter and got two dimes and a nickel.
She rolled over
four quarters and made it a dollar.
When she sat on
a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose.
The Department
of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign.
When she steps
on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please".
When she steps
on a scale, it says "To be continued..."
When she steps
on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock".
The last time
she saw 90210 was on a scale.
The back of her
neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
She eats Wheat
THICKS.
When she bends
over we lose an hour of daylight.
She has her own
zip code.
The phone
company gave her two area codes.
She walked past
the TV and I missed 3 commercials.
People jog
around her for exercise.
When she puts
on her clothes, they beg for mercy.
When she wears
a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!"
When she wears
a red dress, kids run after her cuz they think it's the Kool Aid Man.
When she wears
a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.
She shows up on
radar.
When she
auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball.
She couldn't
star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates.
They use the
elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping ... and they still hit the ground.
She looks at a
menu and goes, "Okay!"
When she goes
to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again."
When she goes
to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
When she
brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do
curtains."
When the police
showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
When she goes
to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!"
Willy freed
her.
She makes Free
Willy look like a Tic Tac.
The difference
between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds.
When she lies
on the beach, no one else gets sun.
When she sits
at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean.
When she sits
in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H"
and the "D".
She measures
36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
She was Miss
Arizona -- class battleship.
She doesn't
wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs.
She's got more
Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
Her senior
picture had to be an aerial view.
She has to fly
cargo class.
When she puts
on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD".
She has to wear
a sock on each toe.
She's got shock
absorbers on her toilet seat.
The AIDS quilt
can't cover her.
The National
Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
She qualifies
for group insurance.
When she steps
on gum, she can tell you what flavor it is.
The shadow of
her butt weighs 50 lbs.
She needs to
put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button.
Her navel gets
home 15 minutes before she does.
When I swerved
to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas.
You have to
grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her
through.
Even God can't
lift her spirits.
God said
"Let there be Light", and moved her fat butt.
Her nickname is
"DAAAMN!".
She sells shade
in the summer.
Cows graze by
her for the shade.
When she went
to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her.
She got on an
airplane and only the wings took off.
When she told
the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on
her butt and put her on the runway!
When she ran
away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
She lost at
Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
She could be
the eighth continent.
She farted and
put herself into orbit.
I gotta ride a
bus and two trains to get on her good side.
When your
family wants to watch home movies, they dress her in white and seat her in
front.
When she eats
at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign that
says amount of people served.
I got rich by
making her sit on coal.
Her cereal bowl
comes with its own lifeguard.
The only thing
attracted to her is gravity.
Small objects
tend to orbit her.
She's got tan
lines from the refrigerator light.
Her belly
button's got an echo.
I'm jealous of
yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has!
I've known her
all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
She uses the
405 freeway as a slip and slide.
She wore a red
dress to a party and when she got there everyone yelled "Kool-Aid!"
She made Jenny
Craig's 10 most wanted list.
She has to be
photographed from an aerial view.
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